From the very early years I have always followed through with punishments for my kids. Either at home or while out if they play up I would give them one opportunity to stop and explain to them if they continue I will ‘xyz’. Typically they know if I have had to speak to them once they won’t continue as I do follow through with said punishment, however there are days when they think I must be in a good mood and they continue their behaviour and said punishment needs to come into effect.
When the kids were younger I did use the ‘time out’ approach, I would sit them to the side with an explanation of why, they would sit there for the same amount of minutes per their age. Eg. 4 years old, 4 minutes aside. I would then sit with them and chat about why they acted up and explain why I didn’t like their behaviour and my expectation of them. I wanted an apology and if it involved their sibling they needed an apology too. Now I understand that times have changed and the ‘time out’ is frowned upon these days and ‘time in’ is the acceptable solution. You can read more about the different positive parenting solutions I shared previously here.
Mum vs Miss Tween
My Miss Tween is very quiet but boy does she have a little fiery streak sometimes. My girls have their moments, one just has to look at the other funny and it’s on. There was a period that it was constant and I would ask them to settle down, I’d yell and Miss 11 would storm off to her bedroom and slam the door. First few times it happened I just let it go, but after a while I didn’t like how it was her ‘thing’ to slam the door. Next time I addressed it explaining that that behaviour is not appropriate and I don’t want her breaking the door, I told her that if she slammed her door again I will remove it. I don’t think she believed me. After another outburst she slammed the door. I am not sure if she forgot our last discussion or just wanted to show she was angry, but with no hesitation I grabbed the drill and removed her door . She was so upset, very apologetic and said it will never happen again. But I feel that at 11 in her pre-teen years that this won’t be the last of her door slamming episodes and I need to set a precedent that I will not accept her storming to her bedroom and slamming doors.
I removed the door for a week, she still had her privacy of changing in the bathroom behind closed doors. During this week she didn’t argue once with her sister and on the last day she apologised for her behaviour and in her super sweet style she asked if I could please put her door back on. This happened over a month ago and she has not slammed the door again.
We all have our different ways of parenting, but I am a strong believer of correcting that behaviour before it gets out of control, before they think that it’s acceptable. When this happens I am thinking ahead of the teenager they will become if it’s not addressed now.