The day I removed my Daughters bedroom door

{The Organised Housewife} Following through with punishments FB

From the very early years I have always followed through with punishments for my kids.  Either at home or while out if they play up I would give them one opportunity to stop and explain to them if they continue I will ‘xyz’.  Typically they know if I have had to speak to them once they won’t continue as I do follow through with said punishment, however there are days when they think I must be in a good mood and they continue their behaviour and said punishment needs to come into effect.

When the kids were younger I did use the ‘time out’ approach, I would sit them to the side with an explanation of why, they would sit there for the same amount of minutes per their age.  Eg. 4 years old, 4 minutes aside.  I would then sit with them and chat about why they acted up and explain why I didn’t like their behaviour and my expectation of them.  I wanted an apology and if it involved their sibling they needed an apology too.  Now I understand that times have changed and the ‘time out’ is frowned upon these days and ‘time in’ is the acceptable solution.  You can read more about the different positive parenting solutions I shared previously here.

Mum vs Miss Tween

My Miss Tween is very quiet but boy does she have a little fiery streak sometimes. My girls have their moments, one just has to look at the other funny and it’s on.  There was a period that it was constant and I would ask them to settle down, I’d yell and Miss 11 would storm off to her bedroom and slam the door.  First few times it happened I just let it go, but after a while I didn’t like how it was her ‘thing’ to slam the door.   Next time I addressed it explaining that that behaviour is not appropriate and I don’t want her breaking the door, I told her that if she slammed her door again I will remove it. I don’t think she believed me.  After another outburst she slammed the door.  I am not sure if she forgot our last discussion or just wanted to show she was angry, but with no hesitation I grabbed the drill and removed her door .  She was so upset, very apologetic and said it will never happen again.  But I feel that at 11 in her pre-teen years that this won’t be the last of her door slamming episodes and I need to set a precedent that I will not accept her storming to her bedroom and slamming doors.

I removed the door for a week, she still had her privacy of changing in the bathroom behind closed doors.  During this week she didn’t argue once with her sister and on the last day she apologised for her behaviour and in her super sweet style she asked if I could please put her door back on.  This happened over a month ago and she has not slammed the door again.

{The Organised Housewife} Following through with punishments

We all have our different ways of parenting, but I am a strong believer of correcting that behaviour before it gets out of control, before they think that it’s acceptable.  When this happens I am thinking ahead of the teenager they will become if it’s not addressed now.

What punishment have you had to follow through on?

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133 comments

Kylie Avery August 12, 2014 - 9:38 PM

Brilliant!!!!!

Dana Flannery-Hayes August 12, 2014 - 9:47 PM

Bahahahahahahahahahahaha. I’ll remember this for when I have a tween.

Danielle Greenfield August 12, 2014 - 10:21 PM

hahaha I love this! I will definitely remember as well when those tween days come around.. Terence Greenfield Dot Greenfield

Jo Alexander-Wynne August 12, 2014 - 10:54 PM

Oh my goodness you are awesome!!!! This is truly brilliant!!! At the moment we are the challenged parents of a testing 4 year old boy and a fiery 2 year old girl… We frequently use the time out chair and I also downloaded a sand timer app on my phone for Mr 4 – for those times he is too stubborn to do whatever i want – when the sand timer runs out, chances are over. Putting it out there – teenagers scare me hahaha

Denise Lawson August 12, 2014 - 11:07 PM

Love it

Helen Reilly August 12, 2014 - 11:59 PM

Love it 🙂

Regina Crothers August 13, 2014 - 12:42 AM

I think that is horrible. I believe that a child’s bedroom is their sanctuary from a crazy high pressured world. Plenty of other suitable punishments. I have 2 amazing teens who show respect to me and I show respect to them.

Patty June 3, 2015 - 11:19 PM

Lucky you you had great kids. Reality is all kids get out of hand and parents should deal with it before it becomes a habit to misbehave or disrespect. There’s nothing wrong with what she did.

Cate September 22, 2015 - 7:44 AM

There is everything wrong with what she did.
She has shown her child that she is a powerless individual who will have her only measure of privacy taken away at a whim… and that will not correct any behavior; only change it and make it far worse, instilling long-term issues with privacy, self security, anxiety, and the like.

Congratulations: you’ve wrecked your kid’s trust and faith in you forever.

Katrina - The Organised Housewife September 22, 2015 - 6:27 PM

No Cate, it was a really good decision, she has not slammed a door since, she is a very respectful and polite young lady, she was just going through a stage at the time and as parents we said this behaviour is not acceptable. She has not followed through with the behaviour since.

Nina July 22, 2016 - 1:56 PM

Ms. 11 is now 13, I would love an update is she still mindful of not slamming the doors? Fantastic Kat, you’re a real parent by showing her that you need to be taking seriously. I totally support you. I have a 17 year old that things everything is funny he hasn’t cleaned his room as he’s promised , he lies and has been caught smoking weed so I took the door today because this is my house and I take pride in our home. He’ll have to earn in back by cleaning and keeping it clean. I’ll make him paint it before he can have it back, we gonna finally get some things done around here.

Katrina - The Organised Housewife July 28, 2016 - 9:31 AM

I am very pleased to say that my Miss 13 hasn’t slammed a door after this incident. But at the same time we also spoke to her about anger management and how to deal with her emotions when she feels upset. She is a very quiet and reserved girl so when she’s angry you know something is really wrong, she comes and talks to me about it which I am very grateful for.

Richard April 22, 2019 - 8:59 AM

My mom took of my door little did she know all the stuff that i was feeling. I feel like the only thing i had control over was stripped from me. So i ran away. You may br thinkingbthats immature but i have a high level of anxiety and i couldn’t take it. I was drowning. I had no space of my own.

Tryce January 2, 2021 - 11:41 PM

You’ve got the right idea, expect respect is exactly how you should go into a situation raising kids. If you can show your kids respect they’ll emulate that back towards you. Calling it lucky is pretty insulting, the one who’s lucky is the lady who wrote this article. Lucky her daughter didn’t stand her ground when her mother took a punishment too far. A better solution would have been to put some kind of padding on the door frame then it would be a total non-issue, and if there was an underlying problem to the door slam and not just an accident or bad habit, then a different outlet would present itself.

Karina Wood August 13, 2014 - 1:06 AM

I would totally do the same! It’ll be interesting to see how we go with the teenage years 🙂

Kim Shackleford Bullins August 13, 2014 - 1:30 AM

I had bought my son a nice car and he wreck it, then he told me it was a piece of crap. I did buy him another car, it was a piece of crap. It was ragged out really bad. He never complained about something else I bought him, at least not to my face

Angie Ramsey August 13, 2014 - 2:00 AM

We did this a few years ago as well. Privacy is not a right until you are an adult. Slamming doors is not acceptable as it is not YOUR door to break. It’s mine. Also, just an FYI to those that don’t like the idea of removing the door completely, weather stripping around the edge works great too. Nothing diffuses the situation ( and makes them more angry LOL ) like STOMP STOMP STOMP SLAM DOOR and have it close as a soft WOOOOSH…….

Thoughts From Me November 12, 2020 - 7:44 AM

Hey, I’m sorry, and I know that this was a comment that was left 6 years ago, but privacy most certainly IS a right for your child, and always will be. And it is NOT good to purposely want to anger your child. I feel like most people forget what it was like when they were kids, and how THEY felt when they were upset and just wanted some time alone. Please just consider this, and remember that your goal as a parent should be to HELP your kid, not disregard their emotions with a laugh.

a April 16, 2021 - 9:18 PM

jesus you are a narcissist

Lisa August 13, 2014 - 6:47 AM

reading it with a smile & nodding my head. What a clever idea to help her realize the consequences of her actions. As a mum of 3 girls with my eldest being 11 I am often referee to their spats. I’ll definately remember this idea!

Katrina August 13, 2014 - 9:17 AM

Thanks Lisa! Yes i am sure a lot of us mums can relate to this. It has worked so far.

Lara B August 13, 2014 - 6:50 AM

Kat, I loved you before but even more now, my daughter slams her door all the time and I was at my wits end, I honestly didn’t know what to do and you would have thought that this would have come to mind. This is a fantastic idea and I will use it next time the door slams, more than likely in the next 5 min the way she is going.

Katrina August 13, 2014 - 9:19 AM

Ooh thanks Lara! I thought it was a great idea too and one that seems to have worked.:)

Amebr August 13, 2014 - 6:51 AM

This is a very worthy method! My parent’s did it to my brother and my best friend’s parents did it to her. Let’s just say they stopped slamming doors!

Katrina August 13, 2014 - 9:21 AM

Thanks Amber, I thought so too.:)

Julia K August 13, 2014 - 6:51 AM

Hi Katrina,

You will get HEAPS of replies to this post ! Parenting is such a contentious issue.

Let me start by saying I wholeheartedly applaud your handling of this situation. I really feel that the punishment has to be a natural and logical consequence of the behaviour. You did all the right things and it is OH SO important to nip these things in the bud.

Two “punishments” that I have followed through on come to mind.

1) Losing things. This is not so much a behavioural issue – but it goes to being responsible for things and valuing the things that they have. I currently have two children in primary school and one who just started high school. They are all provided with the correct uniforms, stationery items etc plus we keep an extra set of pens / markers / protractors etc at home so these are always on hand for homework and they don’t have to worry about bringing their school items home. Anyhow – our household rule is that they need to look after their things. If they lose their lunchbox, hat – whatever – they need to find it by looking, visiting lost property etc. If it needs replacing – it comes out of their pocket money – no exceptions. DD13 has learned the hard way this year as she has had to pay for a replacement sports hat and a pair of sports socks. I think this is very important – they need to understand that mum & dad are not an endless supply of stuff.

2)I won’t go into the details of my DDs deeds here. She was 12 at the time and this was very serious – involving another family. I did the “Commando Parenting” thing and COMPLETELY stripped down her room – taking EVERYTHING out ( I left the door LOL) – the only things remaining in her room were a mattress, sheets, blankets and a pillow. No pretty bed linens. In her wardrobe she had school uniforms and a few basic play clothes. She had to earn things back with improving her behaviour. It took about 3 months – but slowly she got things back – starting with clothes, shoes, books etc. I am really hoping she learned the lesson about how lucky she is to have the things she does and the lifestyle that she does – and she needs to respect her own property and the property of others.
I might add that she has been a much more pleasant child since. We have since renovated and she has a lovely new room which she is very proud of.

It is so important to keep punishments relevant to the behaviour and the kids need to know that you don’t make idle threats. It gets harder as they get older as their actions can have more serious consequences and can effect other people outside the family. Also – if there are younger siblings – they will be watching what happens and how you as a parent react.

Great post (as always). I will read the other comments with much interest, but it’s almost 7am so I’d better get them all up and ready for the day !

kathie June 3, 2015 - 2:19 PM

I too stripped my sons room bare left him with his teddy, a pillow, mattress, blanket and bible
He too had to earn things back
I feel it was the way to go with punishment
Well done on being willing to correct your child

Daniel June 23, 2020 - 3:22 AM

Jesus Christ, you people are psychos.

averyconcernedteenager,whyareyoupeoplelikethis? October 31, 2020 - 3:53 AM

omg i’m thinking the same thing

xoxo May 6, 2021 - 10:22 AM

no bestie this aint it. THATS DISGUSTING. Please get help. Sheeshe child services themselves might not even agree with this omg. (this comes from someone who knows someone who works in child services) bestie get help. that’s horrible. Watch your kids grow intense anxiety and grow up thinking they don’t deserve any source of privacy. I wish you and your kids the best – xoxo

Kim June 3, 2015 - 11:18 PM

wow I applaud your strength to follow through on your punishments !!!! I would totally do the same thing as strip out the kids room !!!! I had nothing growing up not even a room so I think it’s super important kids appreciate what they have and respect it !!! I would remove the door also , I don’t believe in kids having privacy at young even teen ages , they have the bathroom to change lol !

Kylee August 13, 2014 - 6:52 AM

This is just brilliant that you followed through with a punishment, far too often what I say falls on deaf ears and I rarely follow through and the kids know it. This helps me to realise I should and I know what to do when my daughter gets to this stage. Thank you Kat.

Katrina August 13, 2014 - 9:26 AM

Thanks Kylee, Happy to help.:)

Fiona August 13, 2014 - 7:27 AM

Great post. Any tips on how to get a 12 year old girl to keep her room tidy? I’m almost at the point of giving up!

Shireen Baker August 13, 2014 - 8:09 AM

Don’t clean it, don’t take the washing out. She’ll run out of clothes eventually and she can go to school in her pyjamas. Or, give her a day/time and if it’s not done it’s ALL in the bin. Bring the whizz bin in on the nominated morning of the day and watch how quick she cleans her room.

Katrina August 13, 2014 - 9:29 AM

Hi Fiona, Ooh great question! I will ask the community on facebook!

J'Zanne August 13, 2014 - 4:11 PM

I’ld take the door away there too, albeit with a kiddie gate to separate her space. I mean if the room is to certain point where the door can’t swing freely, also, if she is “so proud” she shouldn’t hide it behind closed doors.

Janis Hill August 14, 2014 - 7:59 AM

I used to set a timer. Whatever the children had not picked up became mine. The first time I had possession of a particular item they did not get it back for a week. The 2nd time was a month. 3rd time three months and there was never a 4th because if I picked up something a 4th time it either went in the trash or was donated to a none-profit!

Katrina August 14, 2014 - 11:33 AM

Wow glad it worked for you, Janis.:)

Fashionista August 13, 2014 - 7:34 AM

Excellent policy to follow through with the threats. Sometimes I think my children wind me up just to see if I will do it…..

My anecdote isn’t about slamming doors, but an “open door” policy when it comes to boyfriends/girlfriends visiting. My friends M&J have 4 children where there is a 6 year gap between the eldest and the youngest so when the eldest started having a boyfriend visit when she was 17, the youngest was still only 11. So an open door policy was developed, you are allowed to have your boyfriend in your bedroom (because with 3 other siblings in the house the need to “be alone” was respected), however the door must be open at all times. One day M came home to see the boyfriend’s car in the driveway and the door shut. So without a word he went to the garage, retrieved the drill, took the door off and put it in the garage. His daughter looked on in horror. The boyfriend made his excuses and left. She was without her door for a week and the open door policy has been adhered to ever since. By all the children as they are now in their 20s/late teens.

Katrina August 13, 2014 - 9:32 AM

Thats great that you followed through!

Vicky August 13, 2014 - 7:44 AM

I’m 40 and my Mother did it to me when I was a teenager.

Katrina August 13, 2014 - 9:32 AM

Funny Vicky how we still remember, i do too!

Belinda August 13, 2014 - 7:47 AM

My eldest is only 5 so we are not quite at this point yet but she is fiery, I can see this will be us in her tween years.

I am a big believer in following through with punishments & I try to do it always. Last time it back fired though. My son & I were watching my daughter at her athletics carnival for school and he was being naughty so I said “if you keep doing xyz then we will have to go home”. My son sure enough kept it up and off home we set, him with a big smile as he had gotten just what he wanted. Oh dear…

Lesson learnt I need to think through the consequences for the behaviour better, I played right into his little plan.

Katrina August 13, 2014 - 9:34 AM

Kids are very smart aren’t they Belinda! Great job in following through!

J'Zanne August 13, 2014 - 4:18 PM

I had similar, I had ice cream.
The currency for the “naughty” one, so we went home, but everyone that missed out the fete, got ice cream, every one “wins”.

Gillian August 13, 2014 - 8:10 AM

I love this. I think we sometimes think that we are the only bad @ss mom and that we are so far out there it’s off the scale. Thank you lol we are moms, all trying to bring up beautiful, respectful and kind kids. Love your posts 🙂

Katrina August 13, 2014 - 9:36 AM

Ooh thank you Gillian! Yes at the end of the day that is exactly what we want, respectful children!

Talia August 13, 2014 - 8:48 AM

As a child, my mother told us if we didn’t clean out rooms all of our belongings would end up on the front lawn. We lived on a busy on a main street and our school buses would drive past our house. After one week of not cleaning my room, I came home on the school bus and saw all of my things on the front lawn. Including dirty clothes, bedding, books – EVERYTHING! It was the last time I didn’t keep my room clean.

Katrina August 13, 2014 - 9:38 AM

Ooh Talia, Sorry this made me laugh! But it worked!

Janis August 14, 2014 - 8:02 AM

You had a wise mother!

Katrina August 14, 2014 - 11:31 AM

Ooh yes Janis i did.:)

Been thru it August 13, 2014 - 9:00 AM

In response to how do I get my 11 year old to clean her room. This is what I did it worked well. Give them one hour to clean there room set a timer. Then when timer. It goes off take very one large trash bag go into there room fish everything out from under bed behind dresser closet floor put into bag if one shoe is put up then get the one that’s not. Lock in trunk of car etc. when they want that shoe or blouse shorts etc. they have to do an extra chore to get that one thing back etc. only had to do it one time.

Katrina August 13, 2014 - 9:39 AM

They learn quick, don’t they!

cher June 3, 2015 - 3:34 PM

I’ve done this..then realized they left the stuff they didn’t care about so I would fully clean their room. They were totally fine with the stuff going In the trash bin.. that one totally backfired…smart kids!

Deb August 13, 2014 - 9:18 AM

In my case I’d have to remove her bedroom door, wardrobe doors, blinds, and any object capable of being flung across the room. But saying that out loud, it doesn’t seem so ridiculous!

Katrina August 13, 2014 - 9:40 AM

Ooh Deb i feel for you right now!.:)

Samantha Hitchcock August 13, 2014 - 9:34 AM

Currently Miss 8 and Miss 6 have no door either. It’s been bliss… Miss 8 was the slammer and the last straw was when she pushed miss 6 out if their room, slammed the door and got miss 6s fingers caught and kept pushing on it….

They still argue, but i hear every word… And no-one can be locked out of their space…

Lucy August 13, 2014 - 10:56 AM

Yes! Dr Phil has been spruiking this consequence for years but until now I had never heard of anyone else actually doing it. Good on you.

Katrina August 14, 2014 - 9:07 AM

Thanks Lucy!

Sandy August 13, 2014 - 11:58 AM

I fostered challenging behaviour kids for years and I used this technique more than once. Sure they have a right to privacy (there s a bathroom for changing in with a lock) but our houses are things we (the adults) pay for and work hard for. I think respect for other peoples property is a lesson too many kids are missing today. As for cleaning their rooms, I used to give them a set time frame and then I went in with a basket and everything went in. An extra chore or good behaviour got an item back. As parents we don’t realise a how much we spend on children’s activities or on the little extras that we give them every day. We had a chore list with each chore being worth so much 20c 50c and at the end of the week they could chose their rewards. They also earned points every time I caught them being nice and thoughtful 1 point equals 10c. It doesn’t sound like much but it quickly adds up when you make a point of constantly praising great behaviour. Oh and they never lost points, they just didn’t earn them new ones for bad behaviour. Hair lackeys, scholastic books that we ordered that they wanted through school book club, movie tickets etc. They could save up for them if they didn’t have enough. And half their pocket money went into bank account and at the end of each school term they could buy something they really wanted.

chelle August 13, 2014 - 1:12 PM

This is the very thing I followed through on with my son at 15.. He would consistently slam his door after an argument. Being that he is now 23 … and has never slammed a door since. It’s something that really resonated with him and had him reconsidering hus behaviors.

Katrina August 14, 2014 - 8:58 AM

Thats great, Chelle!

Vicki August 13, 2014 - 2:00 PM

Brilliant! Will be storing this idea away for when my twins (now 5yo) hit the “Tween Years.” We have a boy & a girl. Our daughter already acts like a 10yo, bossing her brother & father around so we strongly believe in following through on discipline. They are pretty good, generally, but have their “moments!” Great to read this, thank you.????

Katrina August 14, 2014 - 9:10 AM

Ooh thanks Vicki, Yes they all have their moments. Glad you enjoyed the post.

erica August 13, 2014 - 3:10 PM

Brilliant idea. I have a 7 year old boy who is strugglong with and interstate move and a new year brother being added to the family. He is angry and messes up when my attention is not on him and constantly back chats and argues. Any hints as I am at my wits end with his stubborness and unwilingness to co-operate in the family.

Katrina August 14, 2014 - 9:06 AM

Ooh Erica, It’s hard when you have a new little bub as well as moving interstate. I imagine his emotions are all over the place. Praise good behaviour and lots of encouragement. Good luck.:)

Malinda June 3, 2015 - 10:59 PM

Situations like this the behaviour is usually secondary to the main issue. I always make sure they understand that what they have done isn’t an acceptable way to react, remind them of alternatives like quiet time, doing turtle, and then we talk about the primary issue and give plenty of love. Sometimes you have no choice but to punish the secondary behaviour, but I never do it without acknowledging the real issue.

Gina August 13, 2014 - 3:30 PM

To Belinda with the little boy that got his way, to go home. I feel for you, I hate when my husband says, NO TV FOR A WEEK. I”m like… great, that just punishes me. I try to make punishments simple but effective. So if we are out then depending on the age, very young, sit down over there for 4 minutes. Let it go after that. If it was in a big area like at an athletics carnival, I come prepared with food and drink, but I let them run around and not be too concerned with them behaving perfectly, ie sitting still and not moving (never going to happen but some people expect it). If we are at shopping then if he misbehaves, back in the trolley or pram. My 4 year old HATES this. Then older ones 8 and 12, well they get points that they have to work off and often there is no tv or computer if you have accumulated any points. I have a list of jobs that have points that go with them and they get to choose which job. 5 points, tidy lounge room, 20 points folding washing and putting it in peoples rooms, etc. They seem to be responding to this the best. I don’t have to tell them what job to do, they choose. They complain, if they refuse, I add more points. If they don’t do the job properly, do it again. Boys are hard to handle and I think I am doing an ok job. IT’s hard to keep your cool.

Katrina August 14, 2014 - 11:52 AM

Gina, i like your points system!

Helen August 13, 2014 - 5:26 PM

My son from 12 months to 3 years never had a door.

Katrina August 14, 2014 - 11:48 AM

Wow that’s interesting, Helen. But i can understand why too, i used to worry about little fingers being caught in the door. It was always a big fear of mine.

Tracey August 13, 2014 - 5:49 PM

Hi Kat, I think the risk is this idea can often backfire in the ling term. Often parents react in the heat of the moment with the words ” if you do that again…..” and can paint themselves into a corner as they have to follow through next time with the threatened consequences. This time it worked out as your daughter obviously realised she had pushed your boundaries too far. Another approach would be to wait for them to calm down and then go in to their room and in a calm voice explain to them how it made yoy feel and that you don’t appreciate that behaviour and its not what you would expect from them and in future etc. Guilt trip often works n a more subtle level rather than having the stress of the no door situation going on for a week. Teenagers will just think How would you feel if your daughter took your bedroom door off? Also the behaviour is often a symptom of something bothering them elsewhere in life, could be the hormones creeping in (on either side).

Rebekka June 4, 2015 - 4:38 PM

Guilt tripping your kids is a horrible thing to do – and your kids aren’t responsible for your emotions, you are. Much better to just show them that actions have consequences, without the emotionally damaging guilt trip.

Tracy August 13, 2014 - 9:27 PM

Haha, loved the story and being a mother of 4 pride myself on never getting to 3 on my 1,2,3 count.
I know I always have to follow through &the thought of me removing their doors was enough to stop the slammed doors in this house.
My follow through story was with our eldest son now 14 at the time about 5. After lots of mucking around one bed time he was told that if he didn’t want to sleep in his nice bed then Dad could take him to the shed to sleep alone.
More of the same continued so hubby told him to grab his pillow and marched him out the back.
He came straight back from the shed decided that the bed was a good option.
The funny part was about 3 nights later we heard our neighbour (whom we hadn’t met yet) say to their child – if you don’t want to go to sleep, you can sleep in the shed like the kid next door!!!

It was catching on!!!

Katrina August 14, 2014 - 11:42 AM

Ooh wow! Glad it worked for you.:)

Janine Smith August 13, 2014 - 11:05 PM

For Fiona.
Perhaps make the request with a deadline for when the room needs to be clean. Explain that it’s disrespectful to her belongings and to the effort you as parents make to earn the money to buy those things. If she refuses to respect her belongings by keeping her room clean, take those items off her and make her earn them back by keeping her room clean and perhaps by doing additional cleaning around the house.

Katrina August 14, 2014 - 11:36 AM

Love all of your suggestions, Janine! Thank you so much for sharing.:)

Heidi August 14, 2014 - 9:55 AM

Re: the door slamming, love it. Ours are mostly frosted glass so any slamming is out if the question & will be dutifully removed if needed. Re: room cleaning; an experienced working mum I knew (before I had kids) organised all her friends to come over & clean up her sons room. She told him it was organised, guess what, clean room…. Haha, never forgot it, might need to do that myself one day!

Katrina August 14, 2014 - 11:30 AM

Glad you are enjoying the posts, Heidi. And getting a lot out of them.:)

Katie August 14, 2014 - 6:25 PM

Last year my 9 year old was constantly complaining about having to tidy her room and it was always a drama. I decided to threaten taking her room off her for a week, apart from sleeping and getting changed. She told me I couldn’t do that!! The next time it happened, she lost the privilege of her room. She had to ask permission to enter the room to get changed and to sleep.
I have never had to do it again and it was amazing to see how much she loved having her own room to relax in at the end of the week 🙂

Katrina August 18, 2014 - 10:00 AM

Wow that’s interesting Katie! It worked well for you.

Emily @ Have A Laugh On Me August 14, 2014 - 7:16 PM

I commend you for doing this and will have no hesitation about doing it. I still give my kids time out, well to sit somewhere away from where everyone is having fun. I also take valuable possessions, experiences off them! GO YOU! x

Katrina August 18, 2014 - 9:57 AM

Ooh thanks Emily. I have had so many positive experiences relating to this.

Briony August 14, 2014 - 11:45 PM

sounds great, I wish there was an effective and quick way of stopping backchat with teenage girls! Any ideas??

Katrina August 18, 2014 - 9:48 AM

Ooh Briony i don’t for teenage girls but i have from an early age pulled all of my children up if they have back chatted or been disrespectful. I don’t let them walk away until they have apologised.

Belinda Baker August 15, 2014 - 12:52 AM

Well done! Good on you for being a parent that follows through, as hard as it is. We too have removed bed room doors, unlike your daughter, our boys are slow learners and have had to have their door removed more than once. We also came at it from a safety issue too, when they slammed their doors, they didnt know if their little brother who absolutely adored them, had followed them into the rooms and we were not about to let him get his head slammed by the door or even worse, his fingers hurt or amputated by being caught in the door, just because they were angry.

Kimberley McMahon-Coleman August 15, 2014 - 1:15 AM

I would totally do this. Fair warning was given.
When DD was in first class, she was chosen to be one of the leads in the class item at the school dance festival. That evening as we ran around trying to organise everything and everyone and get her back to the school on time, she behaved progressively more and more like a diva, and an ungrateful one at that. I warned her that my cooperation and chauffeuring for extra-curricular activities are voluntary but evidently she didn’t believe me when I told her that if she kept it up she’d stay home. Husband was in complete agreement, but she didn’t heed the warnings even when they came in stereo. So – a text to another parent to pass on an apology to the teacher, and Missy had a very boring evening at home and some other kid was front and centre in all the photos. She now uses this example to give her brother and students I work with friendly warnings: “She means what she says, so you’d better listen …”

Sherryl Waterson August 15, 2014 - 4:04 AM

I did the same to miss 14. Was for back chatting me, then she slammed the door. I walked right in there with a screwdriver (bear in mind I have a damaged shoulder and couldn’t remove it anyway) my son in law was there and he got roped into doing it instead. He left to go away for two weeks and we forgot to get it back on. Ended up being up off for about 6weeks at least. She still back chats sometimes but no door slamming

Anna Donaldson August 15, 2014 - 8:15 AM

It’s hard sometimes but as a mother of Miss 15 & Master 13 sometimes you have to take the step. I took the door off once because she kept slamming it. As a person who doesn’t like confrontation I found this difficult but after awhile the door wouldn’t shut properly so I took it off. There is a line between looking after things and being lenient in an emotional moment. You still love them

Susan August 15, 2014 - 10:31 AM

Our 3 are aged 6, 8 & 10. Courtesy of Nigel Latella, we use “The Certain Ladder of Doom”. Their names across the top, 1/2 hour time slots down the side, ranging from bed time down to home-from-school time. Stick up on the fridge with a magnet for each child. When behavior deteriorates I give them a warning. Next incident, I calmly(!) walk over to the chart and move their magnet down one slot whilst saying ‘half an hour down’. That means that they go to bed 1/2 an hour early that night. You HAVE to be prepared to follow through on it, especially early on, then it absolutely works. I once had my son in bed at 4pm, showered and everything. He was allowed up for dinner, but otherwise had to stay in bed. These days I just have to threaten them with ‘half an hour’ and they quickly start to pull themselves together. The added bonus is that I often feel that their behavior worsens when they are tired, so, two birds, one stone.

Katrina August 18, 2014 - 9:36 AM

Wow Susan i haven’t heard of this chart before. Sounds like it has worked for you though.

Down that Little Lane August 15, 2014 - 11:09 AM

Cudos Mumma!.. I am taking tips from you for sure! x

Brandy August 15, 2014 - 11:10 AM

My son slammed his door in my face and locked it once. I forced it open and removed it. He didn’t even get a warning and it was off for more than a week. I can say that he has never done that again. I explained to him while removing the door that in my house there is no slamming of doors, not in my face, and I won’t be locked out of his room. If he NEEDS privacy that’s what the bathroom is for.

Katrina August 18, 2014 - 9:29 AM

Ooh Brandy yes i would have done the exact same thing!

Louise August 15, 2014 - 11:15 AM

When I was your daughters age, I stomped up the stairs after being sent to my room from the dinner table for talking back. My father made stomp up & DOWN the stairs 100times. I was most put out, but I didn’t stomp up those stairs for a very very long time, if ever! Memorably rough? Well it 32 years ago and I still recall that!

Katrina August 18, 2014 - 9:28 AM

LOL that’s funny Louise!.:) But it worked for you! And yes i don’t think i would have been storming up the stairs again after 100 times!.:)

Lizzy August 15, 2014 - 12:50 PM

We take away the Xbox ( only allowed on weekends anyway) and have found that is enough to get the kids to pick up their slack. If they have been good they are give the wifi password for an hour and cut off.
What is everyone’s policy on internet access? I have a 12 and 13 year old, they use an iPod and a phone to access internet therefore it’s hard to monitor what sites they are visiting. Should I check their handheld devices or say only internet usage is on the laptop in the kitchen?

Katrina August 18, 2014 - 9:26 AM

Lizzy i personally like the kids to use the laptop usually on the dining room table and mostly it is only used for homework. They usually spend about half an hour on the computer and i also have a program called Net Nanny installed.

Genevieve August 15, 2014 - 1:28 PM

My son, between the ages of 3-7 went through a stage of “pocketing” things that didn’t belong to him. At the younger ages it was an innocent act of “I like this, I want it”, but after explaining to him that it didn’t belong to him, he understood that it was a bad thing to do. This didn’t stop him so after an incident of pocketing a toy from a shop, showing me (so still innocent not realising the consequences) , we went back to the shop, he told the shop owner, the lady was good about it :), but I said to him, “the next time you steal from someone/somewhere, I’m taking you to the police station”! He did it again, we went to the police station (he in floods of tears) and, to my knowledge he hasn’t done it again since. The next time he does, I told him I’m taking him to the lock up! Btw…I’m a “door slammer” and I’m 45 :-/!

Katrina August 18, 2014 - 9:21 AM

Ooh Genevieve you have me in fits of laughter!! But i can see where you were going with this and so happy it worked out for you and your son. Well done.:)

Ani August 15, 2014 - 1:42 PM

We had an amazing cleaner who did wonderful work BUT refused to clean our kids’ rooms because she thought they needed to learn. 😉 She said at her place, her sons were not allowed to watch any TV until their rooms were cleaned. I told the kids the same applied, so would inspect their rooms while they were watching TV or a movie; if I found them messy, the child would have their viewing interrupted until they had sorted out the mess, and the TV or movie would NOT be paused while they caught up on their job. It got action and also made them understand that we need to finish work before we play. As a family, when we are not having dinner at the table, we watch a documentary during dinner. This is still seen as a reward, so kids usually keep their rooms in order so they don’t miss out on this fun family time!

Katrina August 18, 2014 - 9:18 AM

That’s great Ani, glad it is working for you and your family.

sheryl August 17, 2014 - 12:28 AM

Haha Kat, I too did this to my son when he was maybe 8 or 9. For 5 days. He’s 19 now, and never slammed a door since, or walked off in a huff since. Golden. I too am a believer in always following through on what you say you’re going to do. He sure never expected I would do that though! They have all turned out immensely respectful young adults that I am very proud of. Worth all the hard harder road of following things through, but in a kind, loving and respectful way 🙂

Katrina August 18, 2014 - 9:10 AM

Thats great, Sheryl. So glad it worked for you. I also agree in following through with and believe it does pay off in a positive way.:)

Julie August 17, 2014 - 9:54 AM

Good on you! I did that to my daughter about ten years ago (she’s nearly twenty four now), boy did that work. She never did it again and she learnt very quickly to control herself because she knew punishments would be followed through to the letter! We laugh about it now ahe gets great pleasure in re telling the story. Good luck to you and your family 🙂

Katrina August 18, 2014 - 9:06 AM

Thank you, Julie! I am pleased to hear that it also worked for you and your daughter.

Anjee Boulton August 17, 2014 - 10:01 AM

I did this when my daughter was 12, she got into the habit of yelling ‘whatever’ and slamming the door, when I’d had enough, I told her I would remove the door if it happened again. Needless to say over the next 4 years the door was removed about 6 times for a week each time. She is now 25 and the delight of my life!

Sally August 17, 2014 - 4:33 PM

Well done Kat! So many parents do not follow through and the children never learn the lesson. I am proud of you for doing what you said and being prepared to share the experience. 10 points for you!!!!

Katrina August 18, 2014 - 9:05 AM

Ooh thanks Sally.:)

Tania September 9, 2014 - 7:38 AM

In our house the bedroom door was only allowed to be shut when you were getting changed. This meant as we got older and friends came around our parents had supervision. We were encouraged to stay in the ‘public’ parts of the house when having friends over. This gave our parents some control over a house of 3 girls & 1 boy, all teenagers.

Katrina September 10, 2014 - 8:59 AM

I really like the sound of this, Tania. It is something we also do in our home.

Ktrina September 12, 2014 - 11:39 AM

We have gone as far as removing all furnishings (wardrobe, bed) from our teens room due to his treatment of said furniture when sulking/etc. in fact he had broken his bed completely by the time we removed it

Katrina September 12, 2014 - 12:33 PM

Oh dear! I can see why you have also done this.

Mel June 3, 2015 - 3:13 PM

I am too lazy to take the door off. I used to kick my daughter out of the house and make her sit out the back. If you can’t respect the house you can’t be in it. Before I get crucified it only had to happen about 4 times and she was always in our backyard and when she and I calmed down she was allowed back in.

Erin June 3, 2015 - 6:14 PM

Is that a smiggle clock on the wall?

kel June 3, 2015 - 7:17 PM

My dad removed my door once when I was about 15 – very painful at that age!! It only lasted an hour or so though.

Mandy Barbie. Bieber and Beyond June 3, 2015 - 8:22 PM

You are awesome Katrina, this is one area where I have always fallen down. I make the threat, but don’t follow through.. You are my hero!!

Linda June 3, 2015 - 10:18 PM

I have three kids, two grown and married, one a teenager. I have never had to do this, but I understand why you did. My only comment is what you wrote before you punished her….you “yelled”. She responded with slamming her door….not sure I see a difference here. You need to be sure you, as mom, model correct behavior. If you have a temper, why won’t she? There is no difference because you are an adult. They will follow your lead. If you think you are justified in your behavior, so does she. Yes, you are the adult, but it’s not okay to throw your tantrum and then punish her for hers. Just my opinion….

Jessica June 4, 2015 - 12:32 AM

I have three kids, aged 13, 9 and 7. I’m one of those make-completely-unrealistic-threats-in-the-heat-of-the-moment kind of people. My partner likes to dish out random consequences only when the behaviour is annoying him – usually dependant on his mood. So I have a kind of cheat sheet with appropriate and realistic consequences for common poor behaviour. No matter who is doing the disciplining the kids know what the boundaries are and consequences should they cross them.

Karen June 4, 2015 - 2:02 AM

Katrina so happy I saw the article I took my daughters door off when she was 14 six years ago now and remember being told by a social worker how it was not appropriate and how I was damaging her. Well she seems pretty well rounded to me and I carried out the punishment except she lost the door a little while longer and guess what she’s never slammed a door since! Well done !

Katrina - The Organised Housewife June 5, 2015 - 9:07 AM

Thank you Karen.:) Yes i ma the same i only had to remove her door the once, so glad it worked the first time round.:)

Eileen June 4, 2015 - 10:58 AM

Jajah ???? I got to think about doing the same, my pre-teen daughter doesit some timea and her 4 years old sister follows, seriusly its a great Idea to preserve your door and give them a lesson.

Nic McGow June 4, 2015 - 5:41 PM

I love this idea and shall definitely be employing it if ever needed. Years ago my eldest was going through a ‘pushing his boundaries’ stage, not doing what I asked; throwing the most stupendous temper tantrums etc. after a particularly spectacular temper tantrum where he screamed ‘help me, somebody help me!!’ all the way round the local supermarket because I wouldn’t let him stand in the trolley, I took every single toy he had away from him, locked them all away in a cupboard, and at the end of each day if he had been good I let him pick one toy to take back to his room. If his behaviour had not been good then he didn’t get to pick a toy. After that day he threw one more tantrum, all toys were put back in the cupboard and he started again. He hasn’t thrown a tantrum since. I should add that all of this was backed up with lots and lots of love and praise and also lots of discussion about his behaviour through the day and what kinds of behaviour were acceptable where. I now have a very beautiful, kind, well mannered 12yo who often draws compliments from adults around him.

sarah June 4, 2015 - 7:04 PM

great punishment!! I found the most effective punishment was to look my tween out of her room ,she had forced family time she was only allowed into her room to sleep

Katrina - The Organised Housewife June 5, 2015 - 9:06 AM

I have only ever had to take her door of the once, so i am very happy it worked the first time round.:)

Kelly Ann December 16, 2015 - 12:00 PM

I just busted my teenager sneaking someone in their room in the middle of the night. I snatched her door off so fast. I’m not really sure how long I’m going to keep it off. I don’t feel I can trust her to have that much privacy at the moment. I figured after a while I might let her put a curtain up. But it’ll be a long time before she gets a door again.

Katrina - The Organised Housewife December 5, 2017 - 2:27 PM

Oh no… glad you had this trick up your sleeve

Lillian May 27, 2020 - 4:15 AM

Great points, all! My 11 old daughter always compare me with other moms when I discipline her or punish her for bad behavior, she would say other mom won’t do that, other moms love their daughters so much that they won’t treat their daughters like you treat me.

yourallcrazy September 30, 2020 - 11:58 PM

Ok i’m not talking about anybody in particular on here but do you realize how psychotic you all sound. I honestly would not be suprised if some of your kids hate you when they grow up, some of the behavior in these comments is borderline abuse. And taking her door off, really? That is a childs right to privacy and taking that away reveals the kind of mother you really are. And you are all praising her like she discovered the secret of life. The only thing any of you discovered is how to have an unhealthy parent to child relationship.

Yuh October 16, 2020 - 1:27 AM

Im a 12 year old girl about to be 13 and i completely agree. The behavior in these comments are truly disgusting. I have my door taken off and I now resent my aunt, not only did she take off my door but it has been off for about four months now. I have begged them to put it on and the refuse. Now i have relapsed for the 5th time (self harmed) and i have told them what they are doing is wrong they still don’t care. I even told them how badly it effected my depression, anxiety, self esteem, and suicidal thoughts have gotten because of their terrible parenting and they told me: “don’t tell me how to do my job. You have privacy at an extent.” I never had privacy in the first place, they would always come in without knocking even in the bathroom, they would even open the door to talk to me because “eye contact is apart of respect’. Every time i asked for privacy they would say I had something to hide. Now they have a child that hates them, and wants to commit suicide because of them.

Thoughts From Me November 12, 2020 - 7:46 AM

Hey, I’m 12 too, and I completely feel you. Thank you for speaking your mind. It really means a lot.

Katrina - The Organised Housewife November 12, 2020 - 12:07 PM

I’m sorry to hear that both of you are going through a tough time right now. There are always differing situations and problems in different families. If you are struggling or having difficulties, I urge you to reach out and speak to someone. Kid’s Helpline can be reached on 1800 55 1800, they are a free confidential phone counselling service available 24/7.

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